What queer families want from travel

Let’s get the obvious issue out of the way: LGBTQ+ families are not monolithic. While many brands love to pigeonhole queer things into a nice, tidy box (especially during Pride month), our families are every bit as diverse and uncompromising as straight families. We want different things from travel — places, experiences, activities, length, timing — depending on our family situation, finances and outlook on life. 

That said, queer families are a group that travel advisors should be cognizant of, as it is a growing demographic. 

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that as of 2019, there were 543,000 same-sex married couple households and 469,000 households with same-sex unmarried partners living together. The bureau also noted that 191,000 children live with same-sex parents. Even in European countries, often seen as more progressive on LGBTQ+ rights, the London-based Globetrender’s “Future of Queer Travel” report notes that there has been an evolution. Same-sex couples in the U.K. have only been able to adopt since 2002, while Sweden didn’t grant insemination rights for lesbian couples until 2005. 

“I think queer family is a new trend in itself that most destinations and the wider hospitality industry is not yet accustomed to,” said Jenny Southan, the editor, founder and CEO of Globetrender, a travel trend forecasting agency and online magazine.

Trending queer

According to Kelli Carpenter, co-founder of LGBTQ+ focused tour operator KelliGregg Travel, one of the hottest trends in family travel right now is experiential journeys and participating in cultural excursions together. For example, instead of going on a city tour in Florence, going to Tuscany to truffle hunt and take a cooking course. 

“This has been a very rewarding trend, as it allows us to provide these unique experiences that create a lifetime of memories,” Carpenter said. 

This was echoed by Anthony Warner, vice president of finance for the International LGBTQ+ Travel Association (IGLTA), who said that experiential travel as well as international and educational travel are big trends for LGBTQ+ families. 

“International travel is key,” he said. “It shows our kids the differences in cultures and educates them on life. During the pandemic, we were so limited that traveling was the very last thought on many minds. Now it’s, ‘Let’s travel around the world, meet new families and experience what the world offers.’ There is so much to learn and experience from the world. Travel is the best education.”

And like the millions of families who gained a deeper appreciation for travel when they had to stay home during the pandemic, “now we want to get out there,” said Peter Gandolfo, a gay father and executive coach at Evolution, which offers diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI) consulting. “LGBTQ families, including my own, are prioritizing bigger trips to far-off destinations.”

Unique needs

That wanderlust may be universal, but LGBTQ+ families still have to consider things that others don’t. 

“As far as the LGBTQ families, we are seeing the same trends, but the desire for LGBTQ-friendly tour operators and hotels continues to be important,” Carpenter said. “This is why it is important to have a travel advisor seek these details out for you.”

That’s easier now that more destinations promote themselves as LGBTQ+ friendly, giving queer families confidence that they will be comfortable and accepted while away, said Richard Gray, senior vice president of inclusion and accessibility at Visit Lauderdale. Gray said it is essential for LGBTQ+ travelers to research destinations they plan to visit to be sure they have a strong LGBTQ+ resident community or an ally community that is welcoming. 

“In Greater Fort Lauderdale, we have an LGBTQ visitors center to first welcome visitors and to show off some of the great attractions and activities that are of interest to [queer] families,” he said.

But LGBTQ+ travelers also seek destinations on their bucket lists, as opposed to just “queer hot spots,” said Mark Jason Williams and Amy B. Scher, authors of “Out in the World” (National Geographic, 2024). Those travelers are even redefining what and where is inclusive.

“Even in the most conservative U.S. states, for example, LGBTQ travelers are finding welcoming pockets filled with pride,” they said in an email, adding that when they plan a trip, they put more value on the experiences that would provide the best family time than on well-known tourist sites

“LGBTQ travelers are thinking more thematically, considering if they want to spend five days on the beach, run around a city or experience an African safari,” they said.

Safety remains a concern

A unique aspect of queer family travel is a necessary focus on safety. According to Human Rights Watch, roughly 67 countries have national laws criminalizing same-sex relations between consenting adults. What’s more, many countries ban same-sex adoption and some ban the changing of one’s gender. This means that queer families of most sorts have worries about traveling with children and spouses that their straight counterparts don’t.

“I’m sure having children changes the travel calculus for any family regarding safety, but of course as an LGBTQ family, we have to be even more careful,” said Joe Bissell-Maynard, a gay father from Lansing, Mich. “My husband and I used to love traveling to Jamaica, despite the potential danger to LGBTQ travelers. There’s so much good stuff about the Jamaican culture that made the risks worth it for us.” 

But they haven’t been back since their daughter was born. 

“It’s just not a risk we’re willing to take with a kid, and it’s a lot more difficult to fly under the radar with a kid in tow,” he said. “We now pick destinations where we can be out, proud and open as a family — with a reasonable expectation that we will be safe and free from harassment.”

Brian Copeland, founder of the Gay Fathers Facebook Group and father of three in Nashville, also said safety is top of mind when traveling internationally. 

“We aren’t going to ever be detracted by people who feel that we are less than,” he said.

Carpenter said safety plays an important role in designing a vacation for anyone in the LGBTQ+ community and that travel advisors must become a source of knowledge and advocates for the family’s needs with their cruise, resort, hotel or tour. This includes knowing their corporate policies for LGBTQ+ employees and guests and being sure rooms are set up for same-sex couples, in terms of robes, slippers and other amenities. “The travel advisor can inform you what are the best suppliers so that you can be sure you are spending your tourist money with a company that will not only support you but provide you with the best vacation possible,” she said.

Williams, the “Out in the World” co-author, said that although feeling safe and welcome will always be priorities for LGBTQ+ travelers, the community is now more comfortable traveling to places “where certain laws and customs may not be in my favor, because even many of those places are much more welcoming as a society and culture than they used to be.”

“But we always ask ourselves, ‘What must we give up to visit — and is it worth it?’ It’s a very personal choice, and we always advise fellow queer travelers to use their instincts and do what feels right for them.” 

Getting things right

Despite the progress that’s been made, many businesses seem to be stuck in a “What can we do for Pride?” mentality, said Williams and Scher. “It would be nice if, for example, a hotel featured LGBTQ events on an ongoing basis throughout the year. And we’d love to see more LGBTQ visibility and diversity on websites and social media.”

Visit Fort Lauderdale’s Gray said he just wants the same things for his family that others have.

“A queer family is no different than a mainstream family, except the children either have two mommies or two daddies,” he said. “Love is love. All people deserve to be loved and treated with respect and not judged, condemned or ridiculed.”

Copeland, of the Gay Fathers Facebook Group, said odd situations do still arise, such as a waiter asking if they want separate checks at a restaurant. 

“The hotel industry and cruise industry seem to be getting it right,” he said. “We’ve never been met with weird looks when we check into a hotel with two dads and two kids, even in the smallest cities.”

Globetrender’s Southan said it comes down to travel providers not making assumptions about what “modern families look like. Never say, ‘Where is the dad?’ Or ‘Is she the nanny?’ Provide staff with proper training. Put rainbow flags on websites and in hotel lobbies if you are truly welcoming.”

Last year, the IGLTA rolled out IGLTA Accredited, a program of assurance that travel brands are committed to promoting equality and safety for LGBTQ+ travelers. To become IGLTA Accredited, a hotel’s staff has to go through DEI and sensitivity training, and the hotel must show LGBTQ+ community support.

Bissell-Maynard thinks the industry does very well catering to gay travel but not as well to gay families with kids. 

“I often play detective when planning a trip, looking for clues that might tell if a particular hotel or resort is gay-friendly while also being family-friendly,” he said. “It’s easy to find gay-friendly hotels, but we’ve found most ‘gay hotels’ are not child-friendly.” 

And, he said, “Just because a hotel or resort is LGBTQ-friendly doesn’t mean it’s going to be a safe space. At an all-inclusive, for example, it’s not the local staff that worries me but rather other vacationers at the resort.”

Bissell-Maynard also cited what he calls “an unmet need” for LGBTQ+ families to connect while traveling.

“I know our family would love such opportunities,” he said. “For example, there are gay cruises, so why can’t there be LGBTQ family cruises?”

Evolution’s Gandolfo, however, said the travel industry needs to stop grouping queer families into one group. “There’s no one way to travel as an LGBTQ family,” he said. “So stop treating us like we are the same.” 

The IGLTA’s Warner said he believes that while the industry needs to recognize that an LGBTQ+ family is different and needs to feel safe in communities around the world, those families should also use travel as a way to educate people in destinations. 

“The LGBTQ family traveling to a destination is aware that we may be viewed differently in countries, for it may not be the norm, and people are still learning and trying to understand the dynamics of our family,” he said. “From this, we as LGBTQ families must strive to go about our travels and educate those willing to listen and learn about our families. Each family is unique, and we want the same experience as other families.”